Survival Mode to Self Confidence and So Much More

I will admit that I was on self destruct mode for the last 2 or 3 years most likely even longer than that. The last few years were not easy in all factors of life. I definitely put myself on the back burner to just survive, and it showed in everything I did. My running suffered, my weight, self image, my relationships, everything suffered!

My self confidence suffered, I was buying clothes in sizes that I’ve never bought before and I was getting slower in my running. Things that are not fun to see happen. I would wonder who would like me if I continued down this path.  I would get my wits about me and be like “OK Kristin, this is the plan for this week…” and then it would go to hell and a hand basket by the second day. I would start other workout plans or ideas that popped in my head. And by day three, I would be on my usual plan and be stuck. Not fun if you ask me, but at this point I was just surviving.

Towards the end of 2016, I wanted to make a change, but still didn’t. I ran 2 marathons which were epic in itself, made more awesome running friends and I still did not make the change. I look at pictures from back then and have a hard time believing that I let myself get that far down the rabbit hole before I was ready to pull myself out of it. Again, this was all survival mode. I was lucky that the people in my life didn’t see my size or lack of self confidence. I guess this is where you could say I’ve learned how to put on a really good front.

2017 started and I’m doing my own thing and trying to decide what I wanted to do for myself this year. I knew I was running 1 marathon, maybe 2. But what did I want to do for me. Change needed to happen and it’s not something that comes easy. Most of us dislike change and therefore throw our hands up in the face of it to try to stop it. The rabbit hole had consumed me enough and I knew I had to make a change because I wasn’t being fair to myself anymore.

About 2 months ago, I sucked it up and contacted the nice people over at Macros and Muscles Nutrition because I had been to a talk they gave and was intrigued by the their attitude towards food and life. I had some questions, so I mustered up the confidence to email them since I’m no cross-fitter. I’m a runner, a gym going person (sometimes) and trying to get my confidence up to get myself back in the pool. How could this whole, If It Fits Your Macros (IIFYM), work for me? They were kind enough to get back to me, and since I couldn’t stop thinking about it, I figured why not. It’s a 3 month commitment and if I don’t like it or if it’s not working for me, I can cancel at that point. So I filled out the questionnaire and sent in all my info and pictures. Insert shocked face here, because the measurements were definitely an eye opener. WOW! And not to mention the picture I sent it. Holy goodness…not what I expected either. Now more than ever, this change needed to happen.


Yeah, being completely real here.

So what is this, IIFYM stuff? It’s actually quite simple. I have a certain number of grams of fat, carbs and protein that I need to get to every day. So I can still have my Wine, Thank you!, and can eat whatever I want, as long as it fits my prescribed amount of Macros. So I waited a few days and I got an email back from my coach and everything I needed to do just for 1 week. Which is where I feel if you break it up in 7 days, it is just that, 7 days. Let me tell you, that first week was tough, it was one of those where I could not eat enough to hit the numbers I needed. And still most days I have to come home and have a glass of wine to get close to my carb number. HAHA.

During the whole process of starting this new way of eating, my training was starting for the Chicago Marathon. Within the first week, I saw things improving greatly. I was running at paces I haven’t run in 2-3 years. I was eating better and I could tell that it was helping me out. Meanwhile I have spreadsheet that I contribute to that my coach can see and it has all my Macros on it along with what my workout was, hours of sleep, energy level and any feedback for my coach. I also send an email to her every week that has that week’s photo and any feedback from that week. What went well, what didn’t go well and such. She’ll then get back to me with what goals I should try for the new week and where to go from there. There have also been weeks where I’ve emailed her back and forth during the week about options and new ideas.


Still a work in progress!

Since starting this process, I’ve lost just about 15lbs and a total of 15 inches. I definitely couldn’t do this on my own, I would have no where to begin and just like the many times I’ve started in the past about changing what’s going on, it would go away on the 3rd day and I would be back to my normal habits. Now, I’ve had a few cheat days where I went a little overboard and then paid for it the next day when I stepped on the scale. HAHA oops, time to start again and go from that point on. But, I don’t wallow like I use to and just keep going back down the rabbit hole like I once did.

I continue to work on me and be the best version I can be. I’ve still got some way to go since I let myself travel down this rabbit hole. Things will never be easy and most certainly they will be challenging. If it wasn’t a challenge then would you feel like you’ve accomplished it? Change isn’t always a bad thing but you have to want it enough to make it happen.


****All thoughts and opinions are my own and just wanted to share the awesome journey I’ve been on for the last few months. I was not compensated for this post.****